Ah, the bootstrap people. The ones who still believe that if you just tug hard enough on a metaphor, you can ascend the socioeconomic food chain like some kind of capitalist Spider-Man.
Let me break it to you gently: the world does not function the way you think it does.
The Illusion of Self-Reliance
“Who owes you a free ride?”
“Who owes you comfort?”
Oh, I don’t know, maybe the system that extracted my labor, over-inflated the cost of survival, and sold me a dream with fine print so predatory it should be classified as a cryptid?
The question isn’t who owes me—it’s why are you so violently protective of a game designed to make you lose?
See, in the old days, the social contract was simple: Work hard, get a house, retire before your spine collapses in on itself like a neutron star. But somewhere between the deregulation, the wage stagnation, and the unrelenting need to turn every human necessity into a subscription service, the deal changed. And instead of questioning who changed it, you’re out here yelling at people who noticed.
The Free Ride Myth: Explained in 4D
The real “free ride” is happening over your head, at a scale so absurd it warps time itself.
Your anger? Misdirected. While you’re fuming over some barista’s student loan forgiveness, the government is literally cutting checks to corporations that don’t even pay taxes. While you’re ranting about someone getting a stimulus check, Wall Street is printing money out of thin air and laughing.
But sure, tell me again about personal responsibility. Tell me again how a $9 latte is the root cause of economic collapse while billionaires are out here hoarding wealth like they’re playing New Game+ on Monopoly.
The Matrix Has You Defending the Architects
Every time you argue against relief for everyday people, you’re not standing up for fairness—you’re just defending your own captors. The billionaires, the corporations, the lobbyists—they don’t need your loyalty. They don’t even know you exist. But they’ve programmed you well enough to do their dirty work for free.
It’s cute, in a tragic way.
The Only Way Out
Step one: Realize that “hard work” and “success” have not been connected in decades.
Step two: Understand that debt is a manufactured control mechanism, not a moral failing.
Step three: Stop caping for people who would throw you in a wood chipper for an extra 0.3% in profit margins.
And if all of this still sounds ridiculous to you? Then congratulations—you’ve successfully defended the very system that is draining you dry. Enjoy your bootstraps. Hope they’re edible.